my name is Anna and i’m a closet hopeless romantic

I am lactose intolerant. As in I am allergic to all things cheesy. I literally gag and shudder when a guy sings for me, writes poetry for me, or says things like I’m beautiful and I’m this and that. I hate it when a guy asks me if I’ve eaten, what time I’m going home, brings up The Future… That kind of thing.

My cynicism is kept in check because of Donna. Donns, one of my best friends, is the Charlotte to my Carrie. The eternal optimist. She saw her parents’ marriage fall apart at such an early age, and yet she believes in love like it’s some kind of religion. She believes in its power, that it can last forever, and that we will all find it. She and Ria told me about this video chronicling the love story of Danny and Annie. “I crieeeeeddd,” she said. I thought she was just being her usual hopeless romantic self, but when I watched it, I wept. And every person I’ve shown it to has wept. Even guys. Danny and Annie make me want to believe in true love. That “being married is like having a colored television–you never wanna go back to black and white.” If this doesn’t pull your heartstrings, chances are… YOU DON’T HAVE  A HEART!

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

It is so difficult to find someone to last and live with. My parents, who have been together for over twenty-five years, always tell us that who you end up with is either your best decision or your biggest mistake, because everything you do after you say “I do” will be affected by it. SCARY. And we invent lists of qualities we want in a partner, but sometimes when we do find that rich/smart/sweet person, there’s no x-factor, no chemistry. And then there are those who make those made-up lists fly out the window.

I live by two mottos when it comes to relationships. The first one applies to both romantic relationships and friendships. 1, You must find someone who is “an improvement of yourself.” Got that from Tito Gilbert, whose wife, Tita Georgia is, I think, an improvement of my super accomplished uncle and vice versa. I love that idea so much because we need to surround ourselves with people who make us grow and motivate us to be better people. Maica told me recently, “When you come across someone who has a bigger personality, a bigger dream, a bigger passion, then he’s the one. You need someone who is so dynamic he will leave you in awe. You will need a bigger fish.” (Naman! Nasaang dagat kaya ‘to?! Lately I feel like I’ve been swimming in a dagat ng basura with Manny Villar.)

2, Women should strive to become like the men that they had always wanted to marry. I got that from feminist Gloria Steinem. It’s kinda like what Ghandi said about being the change you seek. If I do decide to get married someday, I’d want to be with someone who’s living a life of passion and purpose, someone who loves the Philippines fiercely, someone who’s smart, independent, and grounded, because that’s the kind of person I want to be too. But I want to add to her wise words: men should also strive to be the women they want to marry. If men want women who are doting mothers and wives, they too should be doting fathers and husbands. Men too should know how to cook and clean. Men too should bring their kids to school, help them do their homework, and show up for piano/ballet recitals and football games. Men should also be loving, affectionate, giving, and patient–adjectives we usually associate with femininity. I think it’s possible. Case in point: the Ick-Guzman marriage. Ma’am Ick and her husband made the conscious decision not to hire household helpers so they can be hands-on parents. She told me that her (oh-so-sexy) actor-husband has turned down roles because he wanted to stay home with the kids. Sir Teroy says daw, “Ang mga excuse ng mga matrona, excuse ko rin.”

So ‘yon. If I do meet that Someone who has a bigger personality, dream, and passion than I do, someone so dynamic he will leave me in awe, someone who is a bigger fish, then maybe the singing and poetry and asking what I’ve eaten will be a welcome thought. Because, well, my name is Anna and I’m a closet hopeless romantic.